Texas Thinking

I found these in a file on my computer, and I don’t know where I got them or I would attribute them. These are a few selected “Favorite Rules of Texas”.

Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

Guns are GOOD things to have. Because the other guy probably has one, too.

So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

The first day of deer season is a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

You bring “coke” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

And here are a few “You Know You Are A Texan When” :

You can drive all day (and more) and never leave the state. Without changing direction.

You see just as many Texan flags as American flags. (they’re everywhere)

You end a lot of words without the letter “g”.

You measure distance in minutes.

You know exactly what “cow tippin’ and “snipe huntin” are.

When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel cloud.

You can say “110 degrees” without fainting…easily.

You know it’s a given that the true value of a parking place lies in the shade, not the distance to the door.

You’ve actually burned your hand opening your car door (or front door for that matter).

You’re quite aware that seat belts make pretty good branding irons.

You know for a fact that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

You’ve had experience gettin’ sunburned through your car window.

You realize asphalt has a liquid state.

You understand that vinyl seats and hot pants don’t mix.

In July, even though the kids are on summer vacation, not one person is out on the streets.

You don’t find it at all unusual for sunscreen to be sold year round, and kept at the front of the checkout counter

You watch “Cowboy” movies and laugh at the phony “Texan” accents. And in the shooting scenes, their guns have no recoil.

You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Bexar County. (A note to non-Texans: they aren’t pronounced the same way they’re spelled). (And for you New Yorkers – Houston).

You refer to soft drinks as “coke”, regardless of flavor.

You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.

You aren’t surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store. Also, toilet paper, groceries and chain saws.

You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day. And vice versa.

You fear cooking to death, if you have a motorcycle accident and wind up unable to move, laying in the road.

You know what Juneteenth is.

You’ve ever had to tell someone that you don’t ride a horse to school.

You know that people who were born in other states but live here now are “transplants”.

You were born in Texas, but now live in another state…you are still a “Texan”.

– Popgun

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