I’ve been collecting (and sometimes creating) rules for living. This list is a work in process, so I may repost a longer version at some time in the future. These aren’t in any particular order. Here goes:
1. Cardio. 
2. Double Tap. 
3. Nothing is ever simple.
3a. If it was simple, they wouldn’t need you!
3b. If it looks simple, well, obviously you don’t understand the situation.
4. On any computer keyboard, at any given moment only one key is the correct one. Life is like that.
5. There is something wrong with a world in which you have to get up in the morning.
6. Any system relying on human memory or perception will eventually fail.
6a. Any system relying on computers will also fail, but not as often.
6b. If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
6c. No data is safe unless it is on at least three different hard drives – and at least one of them is in a steel box in a vault in a different state.
7. A juggler that can juggle a maximum of 7 balls will likely drop all of them if you throw him one more. This principle applies to human multi-tasking; it’s great, up until you drop all the balls.
8. Things can go from “Just peachy” to “Oh Crap!” in about 1/10 of a second.
8a. Especially if you’re driving. Avoid any distraction when driving.
9. Don’t push your luck. If you decide to do so, anyway, then don’t act surprised by the consequences.
10. Obey the Eleventh Commandment: “Don’t get caught!”
11. Motor vehicles are far more dangerous than guns. They kill more people quicker (speaking of accidents).
12. The right to self-defense is fundamental and intrinsic to any living creature, including humans.
 Reference “Zombieland”
Addendum 10/12/11 – added 6c.